RADIATION REVISITED
This week brought me back to that place
Almost 4 years ago I had known it well
A daily routine spanned over six weeks
Then, a girl of sixteen yet so much wiser
My last bit of hair banded into petite pigtails
Keeping my head up and eyes straight ahead
Overlooking the elderly outnumbering me all to one
And shocked eyes following every movement
They seemed to think out loud
Disbelief and denial creeping in
Will she put on a gown or her mother?
Ignoring the obvious absence of hair
I would return clothed in the temporary apparel
How lucky some felt to know long healthy years
Silently I knew I had prevailed
Aware I had stirred the stale air
After visiting the special room
For minutes lesser than a power nap
I would transform back into the teenager
Only until I returned the next day
Shutting that door after 6 weeks.
Now I was back at that place
Even on the elevator I smelled it
The haunting familiar smell of times ago
A chilling revelation that I was back again
Partly by choice, partly by need
The basement hallway before me
The doorway on the left after the indoor pool
The same face greeted me
A different hairstyle-updated, I guess
It was out of place to be back
The ungreased stiff door reopening
A flashback in reality and not in mind
I headed towards the dressing rooms again
A memory awakened from deep within
A natural instinct to grab a folded gown
From the back shelf and then into a stall
I straightened the curtain and took a deep breath
After removing my red t-shirt of more recent times
I draped the scratchy gown around me
Finding the cheap ribbons immediately
I hesitated and looked in the mirror
I suddenly had to step closer
Was I really seeing that
Or were my tired eyes tricking me?
A woman with hair-for once
I saw very deep, glossy eyes
Someone could easily get lost
I had a realization
I truly have grown up
The radiation would be treating a woman now
Her deep eyes still puzzling me
The reflection stirring the still air
The wisdom within them intimidating
Begging me to keep going
words of my mother
she only beat cancer once
she was a hell of a fighter though :(
I miss you mom
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