RIP (Tom Green) a.k.a.

this is for me to vent and cry not for sympathy or judgement

im fine, i just need to chill and cry n then go 2 bed
i have a runny nose, n crying dont help, my feet n back hurt from work, imhungry, i have a headache from n hair 2 tight at work, nim behind on homework, have to work @ 4am-3-pm tmrw 4 my dad and 5pm-10pm tmrw n noon-4 mcdonalds, n sunday noon-3 for dad n 4-10 for mcdonalds, n well just alot of shit going on and i just want to cry about my neighbor
he waslik 76 or so, went to both wars, had 2kids all of out of state wife died whn he was 40, then met is current partner,(pat, she is a girl) they never got married or had sex ( 2 old) but they were sole mates and companions, they would come oveevery month for a fried fish thing, n thanksgivng , easter, n we would go over hter in storms in the begginn cuz they possibly woul of made tornados then
we wouldgo over almost every storm cuz he made it fun,and it was justa time to sit and visit with no v lights or nuthin just amazing n he would bring over there news papaer EVERY day for us, and it was just sooo nice and if we made like chilli or n e kind of soup we would take them sum to freeze or eat or w.e and they loved it and she would send the bown back with some desert or w/e and well
HE WAS UST A AMAZING MAN
i could talk forever about them
he would tll me crazy strories about old knoxville or history, and i swear i would listen more in one hour than all of m history teachers in 17 years, he wow...amazing

and i think now, how she is all alone just a glimpse to the away from me sitting in her kitchen and calling all of there family and crying and all alone, it is just what my g-ma went through but i was there to hold her hand and wipe her tears, oh how i wish i was with her, however step mom said she was handling it well earlier and she took her sum dinner for tonight and lunch for tmrw and she should just be alone for awhile

sorry for typos, im kinda bawling..

summer fat camp?

im not sure I have been this sad/worried before!! my life is sucking ass right now...idk if its been this bad...idk like i used to have loads of confidence, and love jess (gf) with all of my self being...some how i just kept gaining weight...and idk how , im still doing all the things i was before, ive always beenover weight but not this much! and jess doesnt see me as fat, or gaining...but i feel it, ya know i just look differenent so ive been checking out these weight loss camps ..and im getting some info and borchures on them..the one i REALLY want to go to is in san diego ,and im in illinois! so there is a plane fee and extra baggage fee and itsh $25,000 for six weeks, i already got permission from my parents that the money isnt bad and they will pay for it, but they would like for me to really get healty and stick to it, and if i dont lose my goal (100 lbs) or gain more then i am now, in 2 years I will owe them the money back...so no PRESSURE! lol, I have to be completly sure Im going to stick with this and make a life choice, not just get away for a summer ya know...so i have some decesions to make. and prom is comming up and major decesions with that (april 18th) school is getting harder, and im trying to find a new job to save up for something, just money management instead of how to write down the money I take off my parents debit card..I just need to think things through..

oh and dont even get my started on my "old" friends, they are really like out of my life, but still annoying me! like they are just getting under my skin! SO CONFUSED!

friend?

Today is the day after christmas, and wow what a day. It began with me like waking up @ 6am to get all the snow off my car, total bummer and a half, then my stepmom and me went to pick up our new car (2009 Pontiac torrent) I love it, we got home her and my lil sis went shopping like 2 hours away to a toys r us to exchange some stuff, my dad and my older sis soon to b fiance went ice fishing, and me well I went shopping with one of my friends SOUNDS EASY!! NOT!
1) went to move car! its stuck on ice! yes ice! and i am already late going to pick her up, i was like sliding, and ramminga nd and even tried to push it! NO not a chance,so like a little baby what did i do, I called my dad haha i had to go forward to go backward, like get some oomph! (sp?) hhaa
2) went to get her, her house is like huge! and she has i swear like a mile driveway, which lucky 4 me, is covered in ice so i had to go slow as hell, and wait and wait, then she finally came to the door.
3) its like 45 degrees outa nd its been like neg 2 or and like neg 25 windchill (in F) so like it was freaking foggy as hell!! no joke
4) I wasa talking and talking and talking, and not her, not so much I knew she wasnt a talker like me but sheesh , talk about something, i havent seen her in 2 weeks because of christmas vaca!

so like do you think she isnt very fond of me( even though we are planning a KICKASS new yrs party) she has never hinted at not liking me, but if she cant talk to me then whats up, ya know sheesh??

Am I ready?

Ive pretty much been single forever!
Im not saying in dont like being single, but im getting bored with myself, ive had kindergarden crushes on a few boys, but way more girls, I hear so many people complain about ah my boyfriend is lying or is he cheating, you dont hear about that as much with chicks. Just one of many upsides to liking both.
So I think I have found the most perfect person for me in my life at this moment. Like good looking, used to be friends, we are trying to become better friends now. I read all of her blogs, she is very talented, and knows alot about clothes, and makeup and hair, just like me (i wish i could do more things with those passions of mine, but my parents are well douches!) (in a loving way) so I can only dream of being as expressive as her...
Ive been like messageing her on myspace..hoping she responds, we have had a few short conversations, but they dwindle away in one day, from busy lifes. I dont wanan message her back, after like a two days of not talking..I really dont want her to think im like..a creep, or stalking her..I just want her to talk to me, and figure out, how much we could work.
1) have the same friends (well kinda) we used to the same school but I moved, I lost alot of friends when I moved from there, but I made more here, and lost them (growed apart) and now those people are friends with them. *sigh*
2) we live like 10 minutes away from eachother,
3) both want to live in Chicago
4) love blogs, and hair, and makeup, and fashion
and well I can think of a few more, I just wish I wouldnt of messed it up so much in the past, she says she can forgive me but can she really? I want her to, and she needs to and i know we will be amazing?
I cant tell her how i feel, she will prob be really creeped out

and well she jut brokeup with someone from another state, and she needs recovery time..im totally willing to talk for like ever before we going into anything, but golly she needs to talk to me and ask questions and totally go on dates, talk on the phone, watch movies in a cold basement so we can cuddle, pass out in a lawn chair, at a bon-fire, just normal things ya know,I love doing things like that =)

what do I do??

rambling

So I recently got a a new job at fashion bug, in Galesburg.(average and plus size clothing)
Im megga excited! I only work weekends for now. However they are going to see how I do and possibly add me to the work week. I dont think its too bad for it being my first job!!! However since I just got my license its hard to make time for my friends, I have a party im planning for a friend who is moving out of state, and a friend who is going away for a month to Italy. AND the gas prices just went up to $4.15!!! It did a 30 cent spike!! It was absolutely crazy, why do the richest people in the world have to take advantage of us, because we dont have a choice, we need gas! Also we have come up with a few ways to not need gas so why are we as a society doing this!
Also I have a question, I have been dating this chick for a month or so, and a guy who I go to school with likes me, and I hate it! We talk on the computer (since its summer) I told him im only into chicks , but he keeps flirting with me, I mean im flattered that he likes me but its getting sorta annoying, do you have any suggestions on how I can get him to understand I only want to be his friend!
I really want to know how to make my blog ALOT better, I can make time for this if I can just get it eye catching, should I get photobucket and post pictures.. Or like make better colors or less colors, any advice would help ALOT! I hope I didnt ramble too much..

update : Jim Sanders

So we just talked to Jim Sanders. He is in Cottage hospital in Galesburg. He had a heat attack for sure. He will be having heart surgury tomorrow and my sister and I will be going up to see him @ 9am with flowers. He has no family or close friends so my sister and I took the day off and are going to be there during his surgury! Im so excited that we found this man. If he survives this surgury my dad and I have decided to invite him over for some of our family activites such as fourth of July picnic, thanksgiving and other cook outs along the way.
I couldnt be anymore ecstatic about this whole thing. To be honest he has been on my mind more than the the person who im falling for and my deerest mother in the past 24 hours. I feel a little guilty now admitting it. I really hope this wonderful man stays in my life until the end of his. Thanks to all of my friends who have put up with my non-existent being for a day!

Jim Sanders

So today was beyond the most fulfilling days of my life
the story is
My dad and I went fishing and we left about 4 or so to go home, and on main street on the way home we(we live on main street) we saw a older male with white hair and a hat on, then he stopped put down two white bags (like target bags) and put his thumb out, I looked in his eyes as we drove by in our air conditioned vehicle and just pure and utter sadness and hopelessess just poured out and into my heart! Im like dad we HAVE to pick him up or give him water ( its like 85 degrees out) So we came home put our stuff away and we both kept looking at him and sighing and just we both felt megga horrible. We went in the house, and saw him walking slow and I was like on the verge of tears saying like what if his wife passed away and he didnt know where to go, or his car broke down and he cant afford a phone, my mind ran wild with possibilities. I could tell my dad wanted to help him also, he kept looking at him as we were walking in , and his mood changed. Jim (my dad) choked out come one lets go get him , and I would of loved too however, its just a 3 person truck and it would of been a smooshed mess. So i told him go do what you gotta do and call me later. I saw my dad pick him up out of my bedroom window and just sighed and started crying with relief.

I was paseing and turned on my music and had my phone in my pocket waiting, he never called so I was worried, Then I saw him pull up and I ran out and begged him to tell me what happened, he said" his name is Jim Sanders. He was having a heart attack, he had a pace maker in his heart and he just started to walk to the hospital in galesburg. My dad went to the nearest gas station and got him water and called an ambulance. When t he ambulance came and got him on a stretcher and he kept thanking my father repeatedly for saving his life, and he said it was my 16 year old daughther who convinced me to help you out. The man said " give her a hug for me" at that point in my fathers conversation I immediatly began to cry!, with relief and utter sadness just insaine fulfillness!

I had no idea who this man was, or his story..I just felt like he wasnt the usual man all of our parents told us to stay away from. You know the long haired, dirty clothes, and sign saying going to airport, it was just a deep feeling in me that needed to help!
This Is one of the best days of my life!
please if anyone knows him or how I can get ahold of him I would adore to know how this man is doing!
It would mean the world to me!
=)